Today, we answer the questions posed by the illiterate for centuries.

No, no, I’m just kidding – no one pays attention to those lazy bastards who are clearly just lazy and don’t WANT to read, because reading takes effort and they’re lazy, and also it has nothing to do with a diseased modern social contract in which we’ve systematically stigmatized the illiterate as merely “dumb” and “incapable” and brushed them under the rug like casually eschewed navel lint. No. Not at all.

Where was I?

Right! We’re going to kill two birds with one stone here because I feel like these questions – that I and many others get all the time – are directly related. And it all basically comes down to: “What works? Tell me what works. This is the thing I must know.”

I’m telling you up front: this is one of those mystical things that I absolutely can’t tell you. However, I can hopefully get you thinking in the right direction, and when you get there, you’ll know it. Kind of like Shangri-La, or some bullshit like that.

Reader Clint asked, “Reading screenplays is a good way to learn how to write screenplays. But how do you critically read a screenplay? What should you be looking for — or — For what should you be looking? I must admit it is confusing sometimes. Sometimes I’ll read a hyped script and say to to myself, ‘OK, I get it. I can see that as a big blockbuster.’ But other times I’ll read a screenplay that becomes a sensation and just go, ‘Huh?’

But people in the business love some of these scripts so I must be missing something. What am I missing when reading screenplays? What should readers really be paying attention to?”

It’s a great question, and one that, in my opinion, has both a very direct answer and no answer at all.

First of all, I recommend to ALL writers, whether they’re just starting out or have been at it for a while, to read SCREENPLAY by Syd Field. It’s the only screenwriting book I’ve ever read and, I’m convinced, the only one anyone needs to read. It doesn’t tell you *how* to write a script, and it doesn’t dare to tell you that if you follow all of its rules, you’ll sell one. Rather, it breaks down the method that 90% of commercial screenplays use to tell their story: Three Act Structure. It’s a roadmap of the clearest, most popular way to tell a screen story, nuts and bolts included.

Once you read that…throw it out the window. Because if you write a script in just the way Mr. Field explains, it will blow goats. You will have a Jennifer Lopez movie. No one wants a Jennifer Lopez movie, including (and possibly most fervently) Jennifer Lopez. What you want is an understanding of what Three Act Structure is and not only HOW it works, but WHY. Once you’ve gotten there, you’re ready to start reading scripts.

When you start reading scripts, the worst thing you can think to yourself is, “Well, everyone else likes this one, and everyone else hates this one, so must follow suit.” No. Wrong. Bad dog. When you’re reading scripts, you cannot necessarily correlate I Will Like This Script to This Is a Good Script. Because that’s not always the case. There might be a great script out there that you hate for various reasons. There might be a bad script that you love for even more. The point is that whether or not you respond to a script is almost – not quite, but almost – inconsequential. What is important to take away from reading a script is “Why would this or would this not make a script that would make a profitable film?”

I advise readers to take on all kinds of scripts – produced, unproduced, award-winning, award-repellant, good, bad, everything in between. If  you’re doing that, and if you’re calculating in your head as you go along, you will start to see certain trends. What’s common about scripts that have sold recently, no matter the genre? What’s common about scripts that I loathe? When I’m interested in something, what’s keeping me so? When I want to put it down, what is the writer doing that absolutely cannot connect?

More that you won’t want to hear: there is, most of the time, no “right” answer. Yes, “good” scripts will often have mechanics in common and “bad” scripts the same. But think about yourself – what are YOU responding to? What are YOU making notes about never to do? Pay attention to this more than anything else – it’s going to inform a lot of your writing in the future, and you’re going to need to know these things to hone your own work.

Once again, I personally have my own recommendations, and on this I recommend that you read at least 100 scripts of varying quality before you even open up your pirated copy of Final Draft. You can do that in a couple months if you’re willing to put in the effort.

Once you DO get ready to write, the question often becomes, “Well how do I know WHAT to write? And what should my process be?”

This answer is really, really simple: whatever the fuck you want to write, and however it works for you.

One of the biggest mistakes writers can make, in my mind, is writing for a trend or “for the market”. The infinitesimally small chance that this would ever work should drive you away immediately. When I was reading back in the day for New Line Cinema and PASSION OF THE CHRIST came out, I must have read fifty Jesus scripts. They all sucked. All of them. Why? Well, because most writers are shitty to begin with. But that’s compounded by the fact that most of them probably never WANTED to write a Jesus script, but they saw one movie blow up, and they figured that was what people wanted to read and buy. They couldn’t have been wronger.

The best weapon you have as a writer is your passion – what you care about, what you love, what you can’t stand to NOT put on a page. When you’re writing that, you’re writing your best, no matter your experience level or skill. So you HAVE to start there – you have to tell a story that moves you, that pleases you, that is either too much fun or too important to ignore. That’s why I say to write whatever the fuck you want to write – when you do that, you’re writing your best.

And when you’re writing your best, you are putting yourself in the optimal position to make people notice. Writers often complain, “Well, no one wants to read my period piece about syphilitic dragonflies who don’t know they’re trapped in Limbo.” OK, first of all, if you’re writing that, no more drugs for you. But second of all, I can say this with authority: EVERYONE wants to read something that is AWESOME. If you write the most incredible script about syphilitic Limbo-bound dragonflies ever, people are going to notice. There WILL be someone out there that wants to buy it and make it if it’s a great screenplay or, worst case scenario, you’ve written something that lands you an agent or a manager (or both) and gets you meetings and opportunities and a big ol’ battering ram to knock down that wall you keep butting up against.

Write what you want to write, and you give yourself the best chance to write great. “But Geoff,” you ask like a mewling plebe, “don’t you have to write in a certain way? Don’t you have to hit plot points and act breaks and inciting incidents and all that crap?”

And my answer is: you certainly can. And it might help. But you also don’t have to.

Now, that’s not to say you can write a script that’s 80 pages of first act, 10 of second and 10 of third. That ain’t gonna work. You have to have believable, interesting characters, a goal that the audience understands, and an engine to drive the story along. But remember when I said before to throw Field out the window?

Industry buyers read cookie-cutter, by-the-numbers tripe every. Single. Day. They vomits themselves onto their desks with wanton cruelty and, as long as they continue to work, never let up. Because conventional is BORING, and most writers are BORING. So for God’s sake, shake it up. You’ve read the book, you know the basic parameters. Play around with them. Toss them up. Think you HAVE to have an act break on page 30? YOU DO NOT. Think you character must be the most likable being to ever inhabit a fictional Earth from Page 1? IT IS NOT SO.

In fact, readers LOVE something that doesn’t adhere to the norm. They’re begging to be dazzled, to be tricked, to read something they’ve never read before. That in mind, here are your only two jobs as a screenwriter:

1) Keep the narrative moving forward.

2) Keep your reader interested.

Fuck everything else. Seriously, fuck it. Kill it with fire. If you can glue someone to your script from Fade In to Fade Out, it absolutely doesn’t matter how you’ve done it. It just matters that you did. So stop worrying about, “Well Writer A says to…” and “Writer B told me I have to…” It’s all highly personal, highly subjective drivel. If something works for you, great. If it doesn’t, no big deal. Gather a hundred different writers and you’ll find they have a hundred different processes. If you don’t like note cards? Don’t fucking use them! Can’t get into writing without first writing out your story in prose form? So what? It works for you! Can’t write fast? THEN WRITE SLOW!

No one can tell you the one thing (or things) that will “get you there”. YOU have to figure that out. YOU have to sit down and write and develop the stories you want to tell and the best ways to tell them. A billion writers can tell you how they did it, and that’s great information and can absolutely be valuable. But no one can sell you the secrets, and no one can show you the “way”. Because neither of those things exist.

And yeah, it’s not that awesome to say that “Write Great” is the way to get it done. No doi, we all know that. But that’s what separates great writers from the mediocre, working writers from the wishers: great writers learn, and then they figure out how to get there. So stop spending money on books and seminars and all that crap. Read a bunch of good scripts, figure out what works for you, and write it. As it is often in life, the “answer” is simple; it’s the execution that’s the hard part.

NOTE: This appeared a few weeks ago on my old blog; reposting for those of you that didn’t see it. Though we’re more than a month on from the site’s launch and we’re still learning a lot, all the things I wrote stand.

Here you go:

QUICK UPDATE: Have been informed by Franklin that, while he worked with Overbrook through the development of this project, he left his post about a week ago. So please take that into consideration when you get to that point of the piece. Does not change my opinions on the matter. Thanks.

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First of all, before you attempt to dive into this wordy diatribe, go to the following manifesto by Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard), founder of The Black List and http://blcklst.com/:

THE HOW, WHAT AND WHY OF THE BLACKLIST

As many of you know, I have been steadfastly against for-profit script-reading services in the past. I continue to be in the present and almost certainly will continue to be in the future. So when a new one pops up, my default position is to be suspicious and dismissive – generally, these services exist for one reason and one reason only: to separate naive and/or desperate aspiring writers from the money in their wallets. Period. I advise aspiring writers to stay away from them at all costs.

So the Blacklist should be no different, correct? Well…not so fast.

I think Mr. Leonard’s service has the chance to be significantly different, and I’m cautiously optimistic about their prospects.

Allow me to explain.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT NOW, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, AFFILIATED WITH MR. FRANKLIN OR THIS BLACKLIST PROJECT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, PROFESSIONALLY OR OTHERWISE. However, my script for GOING THE DISTANCE did appear on the 2008 Black List.

First, let me recap why most script coverage services are a scam (I say “most” only because there may be a legitimate service out there I don’t know about; however, that’s highly unlikely, and all the ones I AM aware of are not worth it). To do this, let’s start by looking at what a reader does. I have the unique ability to speak on this having been in the industry for 8+ years and a studio reader for 4.5 of those.

A Reader is a gatekeeper for a studio, production company, management company or agency (and sometimes working for several at the same time). Execs, Producers and Agents are getting material submitted to them CONSTANTLY, and most of it is absolute shit. If they just read everything they were sent, they’d never get anything else done. Thus, the company they work for employs a force of Readers to filter out the good scripts from the bad.

A typical reader will get anywhere from 3-10 scripts per week depending on their workload. Readers consist of aspiring writers, producers, directors, etc – people active on the creative spectrum. They have a working knowledge of the art of screenwriting and what separates a good script from a bad script and, more importantly, a good script from a GREAT script. They know what their employers are buying, what their interests are, what works for them and what doesn’t. Many of them have read THOUSANDS of scripts in their career. They are, in every sense of the word, professionals.

When they pick up a script, they read it from cover to cover, something that takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half, depending on the speed at which one can read. They then prepare coverage on the script, which consists of the following:

1) A cover page listing the details of the script and what their overall reaction is (Pass/Reluctant Pass/Mild Consider/Consider/Recommend) to both the script and the writer.

2) Two to three pages of plot summary; this gives the Exec/Producer/Agent a chance to decide, past the flash recommendation, whether or not they want to read the whole script. Obviously, the better the recommendation, them more likely he/she is to read.

3) One to three pages of notes – a detailed reaction to the script and its elements, an explanation of its strengths and weaknesses.

This process takes the Reader, each time, a couple of hours per script. In other words: it’s real work. And it’s time consuming. And you have to be VERY good at it for an industry company to continue to pay you to do it for them. The lines of people waiting for these jobs, as you might imagine, are long.

When I was working as a reader, you could make decent money at the studio level if you worked a lot. At my top rates, I got $65 for two-day coverage, $75 for overnight coverage, and 50 cents per page to read a book. However, I’ve asked around, and recently those rates have decreased. A quick poll I did shows readers make between $40-60 per script on average.

It’s important that you understand all of that so that I can explain why script coverage services are such scams.

Almost across the board, online script coverage services are started and run by FORMER Readers and/or industry professionals. I stress the word “former” because…well, it needs emphasis. Again, almost across the board, Readers become Readers because they want to advance in the industry. If they’re good at what they do AND they have talent AND they network, they do. If they don’t, they either read for the entirety of their time in the industry or they leave.

Many who leave start script coverage services. So that’s your first red flag – why would you want to pay someone who never advanced in Hollywood to read your script and give you notes? What could those notes be worth? How could they help you get your script sold?

The answers: not much and they can’t. Bottom line: if these people were good at what they did, they’d still be working in the industry.

And then there is the cost to you, the writer, which is EXORBITANT universally. I won’t link to any of the major sites, but you know what they are. Check out their rates. In every case, they charge HUNDREDS of dollars to perform the same tasks as a professional Reader…and sometimes OVER A THOUSAND. It’s unconscionable to see that kind of practice, especially when their service has no inherent value.

Again…if these Faux Readers had any kind of legitimacy, they’d be writers and producers and directors and executives. But they don’t, and they’re not. Don’t be fooled by the occasional testimonial – these people have no standing and no impact in Hollywood. They’re people who have lost their industry credibility, and now they want to charge you potentially thousands of dollars for something that the people who used to employ them don’t even want to pay them less than a hundred dollars for anymore. Just let that sink in for a second.

Still with me? Good. Let me explain why I think the Blacklist COULD be different.

First of all, it’s not a script coverage site. That’s not what they’re offering. For $25 a month, you can host your script on the site; that gives agents, managers, producers and execs access to the core details of your script (title, logline, genre, etc) and the ability to download and read it if they like. They then have the opportunity to rate it and contact you if they wish. Your script then builds a rating, which is only visible to industry professionals if you CHOOSE to make it available. There is no contract with the site – you can pull it off anytime you like and no longer pay the $25 monthly fee. Pretty simple.

You can also pay $50 for a one-time read by a CURRENT PROFESSIONAL READER. This is perhaps the biggest difference between the Blacklist and other sites – the Blacklist is employing people who are CURRENT gatekeepers. These are the same people whose advice current industry pros are trusting. For the $50, you get a quick reaction and some details on the Reader’s opinion of the scripts strengths and weaknesses. They will also rate the script. Again, you can choose to keep the results of this reaction private or make it public for the industry professionals who are part of the site. If you don’t want this service, you never have to pay the $50.

Mr. Leonard has been very adamant, both in our communications personally and those with the public, that this isn’t a site for coverage and notes, for continued work and feedback – it’s essentially a database that cuts out the middleman. You upload your script and, if it’s chosen based on the information YOU provide, it goes DIRECTLY to a person who gets movies made for a living. What happens after they receive it is exactly what happens to professional screenwriters: the future of your script comes down to talent and taste. Plain and simple. Mr. Leonard has also been expressly adamant that the Blacklist will take no ownership of your material and will not attempt to “attach” themselves to it in any way. At the end of the day, you owe them the cost of hosting the script on the site and nothing more, a key difference between what many script coverage sites bind you to, including Amazon.

These facts leave me excited about the possibility for The Blacklist. Mr. Leonard and I discussed the fact that we always wish we had better advice or prospects for an aspiring writer who asks, “How to I break into the system?” For the most part, the example is simple but discouraging: Move to Los Angeles, get an entry-level job in the industry, work your ass off, network like a crazy person, and hope that you have enough talent to make a difference. People do break in through other means, but again, they are extremely rare examples.

Thus, it appears this service MIGHT give you a better chance of breaking in if you are currently 100% unable to move to Los Angeles. If you are able or already live here, it might provide a faster track to compliment your networking – as Mr. Leonard referred to it in his piece, “running shoes”.

Now, are there some concerns? Of course.

First and foremost, there is a sobering reality: 99.9999% of people who write a script will never become professional screenwriters. They just aren’t talented enough; even those who ARE often struggle to break in for various reasons. I get a lot of negativity for being blunt about that, but it’s not a personal vendetta against aspiring writers – it’s math. Brutal, simple, understandable math.

Therein, the Blacklist is going to cater to, far more often than not, writers who have no chance of ever selling a script. Unfortunately, this is the nature of the beast. There’s no way to avoid it on any level. Worse, the Catch-22 of writing applies here – the average writer will never sell a script, but they have no idea if they have what it takes until they put their work out there. But how can you put your work out there if you have no contacts? It’s a balance you accept when you get into any kind of art. Additionally, there ARE great, undiscovered writers out there. That’s ALSO math. And if the Blacklist works, it will provide them with a direct path to the industry that they might not otherwise have.

In this case, one has to believe that the greater good of connecting talented writers with industry pros outweighs the fact that most participants will not succeed. Remember, the Blacklist is not roping writers into a contract of excessively costly coverage that will get them nowhere. If writers find that their script is getting negative ratings and the notes are not positive, they can redact their script and negate their fees. Writers have the CHOICE to participate and to cut their losses early, save their money, and try again later if it doesn’t work out.

Also, there is the question of profit. As I’ve said, I’ve spent some time talking with Mr. Leonard about his project, and in my opinion, he is very sincere about this being a “mission over money” venture. However, yes, he will profit off the site. Along with his take, profits will go towards site maintenance, staff salary, and reader compensation.

I understand those that cling to the maxim of “Real Professionals Don’t Pay For Reads”. It’s a maxim that I ALSO cling to and I agree with – if you’re paying someone to read your script, they’re probably not worth your time. However, what you have to realize here is that you are paying for a SERVICE, not a read. The $25 goes to keeping your script on the site. You do not pay whoever chooses to read it – you pay for the connection to them, the interface. Is that splitting hairs? Possibly, and I can understand why some rankle at the notion. However, this is an enterprise that IS going to take a considerable amount of effort and work for all involved OUTSIDE of their professional positions; for instance, Mr. Leonard is going to be keeping his “day job” as a producer. When it comes down to it, Mr. Leonard’s position is that, though this project is a personal passion for him, he’s also putting a lot of time and effort into it, and he deserves to be compensated (as well as his staff). It’s equally hard to argue that.

Perhaps the most important question is this: who are the professionals who have signed up and will be reading your scripts? To this end, I have no answers, and this is the ultimate measure of how well the site will work. Mr. Leonard has as many contacts in the industry as anyone, and he says they are vetting who they let through the doors on the industry professional side. I have no doubt this is the case. But will those approved be active? Will the site ultimately result in sales? This is something only time will tell, and this is where you should invest the bulk of your caution if you’re thinking about signing up.

So, bottom line: what should you do? I am going to stop short of recommending the site to you, but that’s not because I’m worried it’s a scam; in fact, I’m rather positive it’s not. Rather, I’m taking a wait-and-see approach myself. Having been an aspiring, dirt-poor writer myself for many years, I’m painfully aware of how much $25 a month can hurt, and even more so of another $50 added to that at resulting intervals. It’s no small matter.

That’s why I suggest a cautious optimism with this project. You need to understand how this is different from the various scams out there first and foremost, and I hope I’ve helped in that regard. But past that you need to make the decision for yourself: if you’re going to get in on the ground floor and this DOESN’T work, are you going to be OK losing money finding out? Is the initial risk worth it? Do you dive in head-first or wait to see how it works out for others?

I can tell you that this is legitimately unlike anything I’ve seen attempted before, and that’s a good thing. I can tell you that I’m impressed with Mr. Leonard’s push for transparency and willingness to answer any and all questions about what he’s attempting. I can tell you that he has a very good standing in the industry and is well-respected.

What I cannot tell you is whether or not this will work. I sincerely hope it does, however. Again, I’m taking the stance of cautious optimism. Whatever you decide as a writer, I wish you good luck and good fortune. And I hope you don’t get the jobs I want 🙂

If you have any questions you’d like to ask me, please do so at @DrGMLaTulippe.

Yesterday, in a forum on Done Deal Pro, I posted in a thread where the discussion had turned into theories as to why some movies that come out of Hollywood are so bad. A few aspiring writers postulated that (and I’m not only paraphrasing here, but including musings I’ve heard many times in the past) it’s at least in part due to all the hack writers floating around out there writing shit material.

I can’t stress this enough: most of the writers working professionally in Hollywood are on a scale from very solid to fucking amazing. Sure, there are some hacks, and sure, we all wonder how they got there; you’ll have that in any profession, creative or not. Hell, I’m probably one of them.

But for the most part, when you go to see a movie that just absolutely blows, you can bet good money on the fact that it didn’t start out as a piece of shit. Is this always true? Of course not. Generally? I certainly believe so.

In that, I’m already repeating myself; The Bitter Script Reader asked me to post what I’d said about the process from script to screen, and so I shall. I’ve gotten a couple nice emails/messages about it already, so hopefully that means it was helpful.

Here it is:

“Most terrible movies start off as really, really, really good scripts.

Obviously, some do not. But most do. And it’s ESSENTIAL to remember that. As a crash course, here’s what generally happens at studios with a given project:

–Writer(s) writes a great script/takes an assignment/adapts a book.

–Studio/production company buys it or has already paid writer(s) to write it.

–After everyone reads the first draft, the Studio, producers and writer(s) go into rewrites, because even great scripts can be improved. Studio execs, studio heads, studio lawyers, producers and producers’ juniors all have notes.

–Writer(s) writes a new draft. Studio Gang (all of the mentioned above) has more notes.

–Writer(s) either writes a new draft and/or a new writer(s) come on to write another draft. Those writers have notes on top of the Studio Gang’s notes, as do their agents and managers.

–If the process doesn’t stall out here, talent is attached. Talent has notes. Talent’s management, agents and lawyers have notes. These are on top of the notes of all of the above mentioned. “Talent”, in this case, concerns both directors and actors.

–The same writers write another draft, or a new writer(s) comes in, or the original writer (infrequently, but sometimes) is brought back. If talent doesn’t stick, these or new writers write another draft based on talent’s departure/the need to draw in new talent. If new talent comes in, another draft is written based on the notes of said talent, their managers, agents and lawyers. This can happen any number of times.

(NOTE: Pursuant to the above, keep in mind that, at any time, studio execs/heads and producers/PJ’s may leave the project as well. If they do, they will be replaced…triggering more notes.)

–If the process doesn’t stall here, a greenlight is issued. Another draft is written by the current writer(s) and/or a new writer(s) to get the film into production.

–If the process doesn’t stall here, the film is rewritten up to and through production by the new writer(s) and/or an even NEWER writer(s) based on the continuing notes of studio execs, studio heads, studio lawyers, producers, producers’ juniors, talent, talent’s agents, managers and lawyers (remember, this is for both the director and actors), any sponsors and/or “corporate partners” (read: the people providing the products for placement in the film), and probably a few others I’ve even forgotten.

–This is on top of all the things the writer(s) would like to accomplish with something he/she/they had originally written/rewritten.

–This does not cover ad-libbing or last-second disasters or reshoots. Or anything else I haven’t mentioned.

I want to stress this point: with a studio film, THIS IS TYPICAL. The longer you work in the industry, the more and more amazed you find yourself whenever a studio film WORKS. When you’re going through it, it seems impossible that it will all be OK. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not.

But the main MAIN point is this: rarely do bad movies start off as bad scripts. Sure, there are bad professional writers out there, but honestly, they’re the exception, at least in my estimation. Generally, the best draft of a script is the second or third one before too many people try to have their input and “put their stamp” on the project. The more people you involve who are determined to have a voice so that there’s something they can point to that they did so they can keep their jobs, the more the property careens towards total disaster. Multiply this exponentially for sequels and franchises.

Why go into this diatribe? If you aspire to be a screenwriter, you need to get this idea out of your head that Hollywood is buying terrible scripts, and you’re this great writer with your nose pressed up against the glass, and you just can’t get a shot. It’s not the case. Most writers are churning out really good-to-terrific scripts that end up getting developed into the ground. And you’re not in competition with them, per se, but you have to do something really special to get the attention of the People With the Money and convince them that they’d should pay you to write instead of an established professional. Why? Because an established professional is a safer bet, and people like safe bets, because usually they help them keep their jobs. Complicating things? Even pros aren’t sure bets, and people lose their jobs all the time.

So yeah, there’s a wall, and you have to leap over it.

You know what’s never going to help? A s*** attitude. So get off your balls/ovaries, write something incredible, and get it out there in the best way you see fit. Not in LA? You’re at a disadvantage, and you’re going to have to work harder. Rules of the game; I didn’t set them, I just know they exist. If you have a problem with ANY of the above, give up. This is not for you and your talents will be more valuable elsewhere.

End rant. Again, I hope this has been helpful, even if protracted and brusque. I simply don’t think it serves anyone well to candy-coat what we’re all up against. That said, there are many of us trolling about who want to help you break in if you’ve got the talent. Hell, if you take a job from us, we might even buy you a congratulatory beer.

Now stop whining and go write something awesome. If you want to use the Black List, do so. If you don’t, don’t. Write something awesome and, eventually, you won’t have to worry about it.”

In case you missed it (and, once again, statistics suggest you did), here’s a short I wrote and directed for WME, my agency. It stars JB Smoove from CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM. Oh, back there when I said I “wrote” this? He did indeed say a couple things that I wrote, but mostly he just ad-libbed the Christ out of this, because he’s way funnier than I could ever be.

Sorry about the sound. I’m better at that now, I promise.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RDpLk9nssQ&playnext=1&list=PLs0VnnbVj0Y-H__eqdSuHfO4A_2Ru4JRY&feature=results_video

If you’re here on accident – which is highly likely – then welcome! A little bit about myself:

–I’m Geoff.

–I have a beard.

–I’m a screenwriter.

–I wrote the movie GOING THE DISTANCE, which you didn’t see.

–I have other movies set up at other places. Statistics suggest you won’t see those either. Because statistics suggest they won’t get made. That in mind, I’m certainly trying, because like most people in this industry, I’m insane.

–I’m really into bonsai. Don’t ask how I got there.

Now, if you’re here on purpose…I’m sorry. Whatever you were expecting to find here, you’re going to be disappointed. As long as you’re OK with that…enjoy yourself! Seems reasonable, yes? Good.

Oh, what am I DOING here? Fluffing my ego mostly.

I’ve got some stuff coming down the pike professionally, so I’d like to discuss that here when I can. I also have a shitload of interests, and I’m conceited enough to believe that you are interested in my interests. I feel like most of those interests are writing, and the philosophy of screenwriting (of which, mine is pretty simple), and I’m likely to mewl generally in that direction. Often. But I’m sure there will be other stuff, too.

So if I see a great movie, or buy something cool, or see something cool that I’d like to buy, I might talk about it here. Also, I might talk about literally anything else.

I’m also pretty political, so I’m sure that powderkeg will get blown up from time to time. I have the typical male addiction to sports, so that too (hopefully you really dig my ruminations on the Browns, Indians and Nittany Lions). Also, as mentioned…I might talk about literally anything else.

But what I’d like to do most is help, because I’m a terrific human being. Specifically if you’d like to break into the film industry. I’m coming up on my ninth year in the drink, and I’ve picked up a little along the way. Whatever I’ve learned, whatever I’ve seen, I’d like to pass – much like a very sexy idea-based STD – on to you. This will come in the form of things that just normally pop into my head, predominantly, but I’m also looking forward to answering any questions YOU might have that you haven’t (or, hell, if you already have) asked me on Facebook or Twitter. So email me at geoff_at_geofflatulippe.com, and I shall thereby attempt to infect you with my opinions.

Realistically: like almost every other endeavor in my life, I will probably get real excited about this for six weeks and then move on to something else, leaving it crippled and dying in my wake. I mean, probably not. But maybe. Just a warning.